Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Ya Know

After they bite ya, they take a piss on ya. True fact.

Eternally Grateful to Grottu Orloff's Pad!

Here's A Place

That could benefit from a woman's touch.

Nicked From Grottu Orloff's Pad!

No, No! Holy Mother of Fuck!

"Will you please tell that bimbo that it is her head we're chopping off, not her arm."

Via Grottu Orloff's Pad!

Says Here

Carol Channing is actually a hermaphrodite, and has had a secret crush on Boutros Boutros-Ghali for years.

Hon'? Do you still love me?

Cheerfully Pillaged From Trash

What A Fucking Awesome Set That Was

Stanley Kubrick and his actors on the set of 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Grates to Life On Mars

See. Women Have Been Doing It For Centuries

"They're having a 'nurse-in' because of Pope Yentl's latest diatribe against showing your tits in public."

Many Thanks to Mustardy Yellow Aura

You Don't Have To Go To Saturn To Get Good Pizza

Hey, Earthlings, Cindy Io here. Come on over to Pizza Moon today and get our Rings of Saturn Special. One Ginormous pizza with 5 toppings of your choice, and a breadstick ring to match. Man, that's a lotta bread for a little bread: 8.99 total. Sustain the planet and your corpus!

Another Great Steal From Trash

WTF Cartoon Of The Week

Maybe my readers in Brazil can make heads or tails of it. Looks pretty funny tho. ;0)

From The Auspices of Trash

More Of The New Dude: Aussie Style

We in Oz Sector capish Markesan culture, and embrace it. I have been whamming for a couple of years now, and I have a split-tail crony who is very into the scene. We have some caustic vittle venues here in Sydney and we loiter zealously. Uber-Expresso is excellent at Eunuch Charlie's, and you can get caustic gyros and grits at the Laylow Quisling Hideout in Katoomba. Natives are generous to non-9-to-5-ers. Heyyo, you Yanker Markesans!

Many Thanks to You Can't Piss On Hospitality

Monday, January 30, 2012


"Why you have that 'shit' up on your wall?"

Stolen From Trash

It's The Pizza Man

"It's about time. We're catching our death out here. Here, hon', lay some slices on my chest."

Cheerfully Pillaged from You Can't Piss On Hospitality

Hello, Dimension Lords?

"Please, let me outta here."

The Dimension Lords (Les Seigneurs des Dimensions) had trapped Neil Diamond in 1982 for his atrocious song hit, "Heartlight". They were determined to keep him there til 2009, at least in most parallel universes.

"Mr. Diamond, how did you get this number?"

Much Obliged to Trash


Could you like run off a couple of hundred of these for me? Oh, with adhesive backing, too?

Via Reckon

You Like My Bedroom Eyes, Faranji?

Will you be shocked at how lackadaisical my potty-wash habit is?

Courtesy of Trash

GaiaForce Interface Fuzz-e-display At GaiaForce Planetary HQ

The Fuzz-e-display was indicating that there was a Code Carmine situation in sector 512833S, depth 21.54 meters. The Planet Support Group, Aquatic Team, was dispatched to investigate and report on site. Arrival expected within 3 hours.

Much Obliged to Reckon

I Wish I Had Had This During The Christmas Run-Up

The most awesome letter to Santa ever. (But, I'm not sure I believe a kid wrote it)

Many Thanks to Reckon

I Hate-Love You

Your lily-white, bare skin repulses me, Darling Worm. Please put on the black vinyl before I vomit upon you. The smell of you makes me want a pap smear, and the sweetness of your temperament makes me want to retch. If you do not come over here right now and pinch my breast hard, I will expectorate into your mouth as soon as I can jack it open. You pus-eating puppy dog.

From The Bounty That Is No, You Shut Up

Now, Let Us See, Western Devil

How shall we end your pathetic life? Shall we make you eat Egg Foo Yong laced with glass? Or should we give you a sulfuric acid enema? Or, yes, this will be good? We will shave your testicles and dye them orange, and insert them through a slot in a serving plate. Then we will allow a maiden, starved for days, to have access. The resemblance to kumquats will be so real to her desperate mind, that she will tear them from the plate and eat them without bothering to peel them. Lucky for you, Gaijin.

Via No, You Shut Up

Milestone, Baby!

Hey, Y'all, this is my official 1500th post to the blog. Now, more than ever, HBGC has entertainment in spades to offer. Fully 125 pages of laffs, WTF?'s, and hubba-hubba's. All completely ad-free and guaranteed not to be same-old-same-old Internet crap.

Manifold thanks to all my faithful readers, and you folks that drop in now and then.

Y'all come back, ya hear.

Girls, It's Okay To Say It

We are so cute, we transcend these stupid rags we're wearing.

Courtesy of Retrophile's Oasis

Habibi, He Is Arrived!

A Lebanese boy announces an appearance of the Prolapsed Uterus Fairy. It will mean extra pounds for the family because his grandmother has placed the organ under her pillow.

Much Obliged to No, You Shut Up

Bubbles Darlene Here

Girls, you work hard to keep a minimalist household and maintain your showgirl sexiness, and sometimes, it all gets just a bit too much. When that happens to me, I take a couple of Binge-A-Dreens, and stand on my head. In a few minutes, I am ready to clear clutter and melt butter. Plus it gives a little lift to my ribcage bumpers. Get a bottle today at your local Marquette Noir.

Eternally Grateful to No, You Shut Up

The Blitzkrieg Siphoner Strikes Again

A rare photo of the drink pilferer.

Via You Can't Piss On Hospitality

Now You Have Made Baaltor Mad

Run like hell!

Grazie a Trash

Hey, Audrey

Where'd ya pick up the vampire?

Courtesy of Retrophile's Oasis

Karlotta Was Passionate About Being Passionate

United Nations Drama Queen of 2011, Karlotta Krinjh has never known a mellow moment. It has been said that one morning when she discovered a pitcher of Sangria had been left out of the refrigerator overnight, she exclaimed, "As God as my witness, I will never recover my will to live having found my wine has warmed above 18 degrees Celsius. Someone hand me a dagger, for my heart is no longer happy whole."

Many Thanks to No, You Shut Up

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Hey, Muh-fuggah!

I be guardin' the culcha.

Happily Pillaged From Trash

Biblical Truths

Yuh, you know I've noticed that about homosexuals. They really have trouble simply locating a door if they're the least bit upset. 
But the nearest male asshole. That's a whole different scenario.

(I'm KID-DING, people!)

Many Thanks to You Can't Piss On Hospitality

I'm Really Happy For You

"...and I'm gonna let you finish, Master, but levers are really Old School, even if you got those lame old round buttons on 'em..."

Via Trash

Mommy, I Want One

Much Obliged to Aliens and Ice Cream

Fear Not

For I have supplied the brews.

From The Auspices of Trash

Who Woulda Thunk?

Archeologists have discovered a crude wooden version of a Rubiks Cube in the digs at Paeligni (Abruzzi, Italy). The face of each individual square was apparently painted or stained one of six different colors. 

The surviving artifact was too fragile to attempt playing with it, but experts are certain that it would function much like the modern equivalent.

Image Courtesy of Trash

Clint Was A Clinical Psychologist

But on his time off, he liked to let the wild child in him take over, especially when it came to movin' and groovin' to the music.

Nicked From You Can't Piss On Hospitality

If Yer Lookin' At This In The Mornin'

Then yer wishin' this was on your tabletop.

Courtesy of Aliens and Ice Cream

Oh Mah God

Look at the color of that carpet.

From The Bounty That Is Retrophile's Oasis

Holy Hobbyhorses!

Horrrlochia was having some second thoughts about having Dr. Bane (who had been recommended by her BFF, Schnookums Einstein) do her annual breast exam. The good doctor looked uncomfortably like Sandra Bernhard, and her robot, or whatever it was, was mumbling something under its breath that sounded like "press and smash eep".

Muchas Gracias a Trash

This Is Where It All Started

These seven young people, photographed in front of the restaurant they met to pull together their business plan, developed the mega vitamin and health supplement empire Herbalife.

Western Foods, still in business to this day, is known for their killer Key Lime Pudding.

Via Aliens and Ice Cream

Romantic Concerns of the 1940s

"This fella is so cheap, he won't even buy me a soda of my own. Hmmm."

Nicked From Retrophile's Oasis

The Ur-Shmyzzpaks From The Planet Spogg

"We're really not much different from you Earth folk. We just have a much newer car."

Pilfered from Aliens and Ice Cream

Rockabilly Graveyard Blowout

Conrad, Betsy, and Justine were hot for some cemetery ballin' action, so they took Ugly 13 to Heavenly Acres, blasted the radio, brought out the corn liquor, and danced their fool heads off. Conrad felt moved to masturbate onto the grave of Beauchance Harquar, Esq., founder of the local burg.

Eternally Grateful to Aliens and Ice Cream

Lord 'a Mercy

"An' be sho' that you has da propuh S&P shakuhs t'boot, Chile."

*And moms, if your child is a Buckwheat, do not serve him the red box pancakes. Make him yellow box pancakes instead. It's the law.

Grazie a Retrophile's Oasis

Family Portrait

The Skywalkers.

Via Aliens and Ice Cream

A Glock?

"That's the best you can do? Get your sorry pinko ass away from me."

Eternally Grateful to You Can't Piss On Hospitality

Delusional Self-Esteem Rears Its Ugh-ly Head

(Insert hysterical, incredulous laugh here)

Via You Can't Piss On Hospitality

Hello, White Man

"You look very delicious today."

Many Thanks to Trash

Yeah, Frank and Me Was Homies

Philemino Estrada relaxes in his backyard with his chihuahua Kukaburra, Phil (as his neighbors know him) is the little brother of Roy Estrada who played bass in Frank Zappa's backing band, the Mothers of Invention. "Yeah, Roy used to say that Frank was a genius. But, then he would do things like interrupt a recording session to call Chroni's (Famous Sandwich Shop) and order a corn and mashed potatoes sandwich. He was a strange dude, really, but a gas to hang with."

Phil is a retired plumber living in Los Feliz, L.A.

Many Thanks to Aliens and Ice Cream

In The Days When

Men were Men, and Sandwiches were Forces of Nature.

Cheerfully Pillaged From Atompunk

Uh, Peter?

"Are you sure you aren't gay?"

Many Thanks to Retrophile's Oasis

So Good, It Needs No Additives

Nicked From You Can't Piss On Hospitality

Convenience Store Soliloquy

Market of Filth: 107 Dogs, 2 Cats Rescued

Many Thanks to Sex Dog