Hot Buttered Groat Clusters: December 2011

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Dear Friends

The Creator does not wish that you live a drab, fashion-starved life. I, Friedon McFuddigle, have a revelatory tome that will tell you how you can have wealth and happiness through dressing correctly. Cravats are absolutely necessary to your well-being, my friends. Don't dress down and frown. Dress up and buck up.

This invaluable information can be yours for the paltry sum of $25.99. Send to the address on the screen, and soon you will have knowledge that Socrates would have killed for.

Don't delay.

Much Obliged to Mighty Real

In The Good Ole Days

There was a time, about 50 years ago, when every weekend you could expect to see a late night horror or science fiction movie on your local TV station. No stupid infomercials -- real honest to goodness scary movies. And you might even have been lucky enough to have a horror host entertaining you during the commercial breaks.

I miss that time.

Courtesy of Mighty Real

No, Sir

"I don't like it."

Stolen From Mighty Real

Your Mom

She was hot. Once upon a time.

Via Hot Fuss

Wull, Yeah, We Didn't Dress Up

We were told it was an informal get-together.

Many Thanks to Hot Fuss

Why So Many Poor Kids Don't Get Presents

Santa is using out-dated computer technology.

Many Thanks to Mighty Real

Beggin' To Be Slapped Silly

Actually he's already at silly. Slap him anyway.

Muchas Gracias a Fuck Yeah Dementia

You Heard Me

"No Wire Hangers!"

Many Thanks to Fuck Yeah Dementia

Special Attache M-32

Standard issue for all Anti-VEGAN (Various Evil Guys Against Normality) agents, the M-32 attache case comes filled with a variety of meats to combat the VEGAN enemy. A miniature refrigeration unit powered by lithium batteries keeps the carnal contents fresh so that an agent can deploy any of the meat weapons with assurance.

Courtesy of Sex Dog

Those Horrible Sounds!

Moshi was horrified. He just knew from the sounds coming from his parents' bedroom that his father was eviscerating his mother, who was now moaning in pain.

In that moment, he forgot all the other times, where, at breakfast, they both seemed fine and sane.

Could it be a nightmare? He couldn't get the sound of his mother's pleading tone out of his head.

Courtesy of Sex Dog

Shamaka Life Complex

Eepee-Hrosh-Ma, a Shamaka Life Complex, and her slice-offspring, as they march to the nearest sleeping human. They will make a temporary nest near the sleeper's head, and generate/store energy by symbiotizing the human brain metabolism. At the same time, they will produce a smell very similar to that of liverwurst, and Eepee may slice off another child.

As a Shamaka Life Complex moves, it excretes Hwangia turds, which are initially visible but quick fade out to the point that they are difficult to detect. Whenever a waking human steps on one, it initiates a process in them which causes the transmission of brain energy to any nearby Shamaka.

It also imparts to the person a feeling of extreme well-being for about 2 minutes, followed by a single occurrence of incontinence.

Source: Sex Dog

A Random Selection

We set up a camera on a country hillside in Sonoma, California, with a timer to take a picture every 10 minutes.

This is the exposure at 3 hours, 40 minutes.

Borrowed From The Mad Vortex

Hey, Stoopid!

Don't ya have the sense to take the wrapper off of your snack before you eat it?

Sheesh. 'sno wonder you're extinct!

Eternally Grateful to Monster Crazy

Adventures In Hardware

Uncle Kenneth loved to regale his nephews with stories of when he was hardware warden to King William IV of Luxembourg. "I remember the day His Majesty commanded me to procure a Golden Sledgehammer for him. Turns out he used it to pound the head of his 5th wife, Queen Phoetvurst, into pudding. The king was so pleased with the quality of the hammer that he awarded me the Medal of St. Swithens."

"Uncle Kenneth," piped Phillip, "tell us again about the time you sold the ironing board to Napoleon!"

Many Thanks to Mad Vortex

Thanks So Much!

"How did you guess that this was what I was hoping to get for my birthday?"

Via Monster Crazy

Friday, December 30, 2011

The Succubus Threatens

Derangia, one of Satan's most ambitious succubi, was always pushing the envelope of her hellish arts, and she was about to make a big mistake.

She was considering an innocent child as a victim, an act which she knew would anger the Creator greatly.

Her master knew of her intentions and was perfectly happy to let the Supreme Arbiter turn Derangia to dust.

After all, he had more of the foul smelling bitches than he knew what to do with.

Many Thanks to Monster Crazy

Serious Entertainment Center, circa 1951

The Rat Pack Special 2000.

Many Thanks to Aliens and Ice Cream

A Reminder About Politically Oriented Posts Here

This blog is not a political blog. It is a humor blog. However, I do post occasionally on political themes.

The perceptive will detect a conservative attitude in many of these, and I am quite conservative, it is true. I will however, at times, go against the grain and post something more moderate or liberal in tone. I am not one dimensional when it comes to politics.

Most of the blogs I visit are mastered by people of decidedly more liberal attitudes than mine, as evidenced by some of their posts. This does not stop me from enjoying what they have to offer and doesn't make me feel any less grateful to them for their efforts.

I hope you will extend to me the same acceptance.

You are, of course, at liberty to pass over any you do not care for.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Said the Broom To The Vacuum Cleaner

A Tip Of The Hat To An Exquisite Paradox

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Car Primitiveness

Nothing states the crude level of design in cars of the 1920's like the huge, high steering wheel and the graceless dashboards.

From the perspective of today, the general feeling is one of "Ugh".

Borrowed From Vintage Everyday

What's Yours?

Uh, I'm Steve McQueen. I'm a well-known actor. I'm supposed to meet Pier Angeli here. Yeah, these are my trunks.

Yeah, Stinky knows me.

Pillaged From Vintage Everyday

The Highway To Hell

Why, no, this hasn't been photoshopped.

Stolen From Piccsy

What?

Another post-modern MGM dog?

Muchas Gracias a Piccsy

She Gives Me A Warm Feeling Between My Legs

Yow.

Via My Ear Trumpet Has Been Struck By Lightning

Carcass-Head Maiden

Painting of young and proud carcass-head girl taking a walk in the Scheggelian Forest.

Courtesy of Piccsy

I'm Not Saying There Isn't Some Merit To This View

But would you care to publish a picture of the same label on a Koran?

No, I didn't think so.

Many Thanks to Piccsy

We Got Plenty Of Ordinary

It's the stuff of everyday life.

However, I will never tolerate it in my blog. If you think my posts are weird, you are right. They are meant to be weird, they are defined by their weirdness, they revel in their weirdity.

Everything doesn't have to make sense in order to engage your mind, but the funnier it is at the same time, the better.

Many Thanks to Piccsy

Thirsty?

You'll be thirstier still after you scarf down this baby. Yum yum.

Eternally Grateful to Trash

We Wowed Them in Schenectady

The Squeege Sisters and Mickey, former circus act, now touring the Northeast in underground vaudeville houses. Variety says "The Entertainment Personification of Polymorphous Perversity -- bring your raincoats!".

Grazie a Random Index

Claudette For The Ages

Claudette Colbert, on the set for her movie "Cleopatra", looking startlingly post-modern.

From The Bounty That Is My Ear Trumpet Has Been Struck By Lightning

A Steamy Inquiry

Would it be fair for one to say
That, before the bosomy day,
Falsies for those not so chaste
Were reserved for below the waist?

Via My Ear Trumpet Has Been Struck By Lightning